The importance of the family for the Spirit world can’t be overstated. Let’s begin with three passages from Kardec’s The Spirit’s Book;
The Spirits Book
695. Is marriage, that is to say, the permanent union of two beings, contrary to the law of nature?
“It is a progress arrived at by the human race.”
696. What would be the effect, upon human society, of the abolition of marriage?
“A return to the life of the beast.”
775. What would be the effect upon society of the relaxation of family ties?
“A relapse into selfishness” (The Spirits Book, Kardec).
Notice the short answers to the questions, as if they needed no further explanations and the truth was staring at you in the face. Only the first question requires a modifier. The question stated “the permanent union of two beings”, which was the custom and laws of that day (1850’s), whereby divorce was extremely rare. This situation led many couples into years of unhappiness. A further statement in The Spirit’s Book, qualifies it;
940. Is not the lack of sympathy between persons destined to live together also a source of sorrow, and one that is all the more bitter because it poisons an entire existence?
“Very bitter it is, undoubtedly; but it is usually a misfortune of your own causing. In the first place, your laws are at fault; for how can you suppose that those who dislike one another can be intended by God to live together?” (The Spirits Book, Kardec)
According to the Spirit world, not all marriages are perfect unions, since they are the product of people’s free choices and may be one of the many lessons we must learn in our lifetimes. Therefore, people are allowed to withdraw from a bad marriage, but how and when that is accomplished might incur debt which may have to be repaid later.
A successful family is made up of two kindred spirits. According to Spiritism, when spirits reincarnate, they could return as male or female.
202. Does a spirit, when existing in the spirit-world prefer to be incarnated as a man or a woman?
“That point in regard to which a spirit is indifferent, and which is always decided in view of the trials which he has to undergo in his new corporeal life.” (The Spirits Book, Kardec)
Therefore, the sexual combination of a couple is not important; what is vital is the affinity of the spirits and their love for each other. A partnership which allows souls that see in each other the possibility to improve themselves beyond what they could achieve alone and to assist their partner in the same quest. In the book Missionaries of the Light, a spirit instructor discusses marriage and love on earth;
“Love on those lower planes is like gold lost in a large quantity of ore, demanding great efforts and laborious processes to reveal itself to the experts. But among those humans, who do in fact are proceeding toward their elevation, the sexual union is much different. It entails the sublime exchange of perispiritual energies, symbolizing divine nourishment for the mind and heart, and creative power not only for children of the flesh but also for generous deeds and achievements of the soul for life eternal”(Missionaries of the Light, p. 199).